I was just marveling at how I managed to have so much time to post deep thoughts on my blog in years past. God’s taken me down quite a journey so far in my young life, and if my future is as experience-filled as the first 24 years of my life, I’d say that I have quite a life ahead of my yet. So although maybe I don’t have nearly as much free time to sit down for 4 hours and hammer out a well-considered and heartfelt meditation like I used to, I can’t say that my relationship with God has gotten stagnant in any way. In fact, this has probably been the most satisfying season of my life so far. While there are still many desires I must defer until God’s perfect timing (such as working out on my own, building my dream house, getting married, having kids), I’m content with this season and I’m really excited about the things that are developing right now. In fact, many of the things that are developing right now are stepping stones in preparing me for when those times come. I don’t think I’ll have time to explain those things in this post, but perhaps in future posts I’ll elaborate.

Anyways, I discovered this modern hymn today as I was registering for this nifty online worship leader and songwriter’s forum, and the lyrics/music were just really awesome. Just the simple description of Jesus Christ and the life He sets us on as “the Glorious Impossible” – it captures the majesty and the truth that only God can do the impossible.

I see this living out in my life. While I suppose many people could look back on my accomplishments and achievements and attribute those successes and failures to my own character and abilities, I see the hand of God in every single episode of my life. I see God working the impossible even before I was born, gracing my grandparents with my mom, even though my grandmother attempted to abort her several different ways. I see God working the impossible, gracing me with the gift of life and healing the defect in my heart. I see God working the impossible, taking my wretched heart and softening it to His leading. I see God’s grace in my life, allowing me to know Him at a young age, and providing me with a family that consistently and constantly demonstrated Him in different ways. I see God working out the impossible, almost forcing me to go to OU for college and for medical school, even though by all human perception I had the test scores, GPA, letters of recommendation, essays, and interviews sufficient to get into the schools I wanted to go to. I see God working out the impossible, divinely guiding me to a college ministry where I could find those who were serious about their relationship with God.

That’s what’s really exciting me about this season of life. It’s full of challenge and experimentation – in the sense that now is the time when I am getting my hands dirty trying out different things and making dreams into reality. And because I am not operating on my own strength and my objective is not to own these dreams, I’m just excited to see what God does. To some extent the outcome isn’t very important to me; the journey is. And for that, I am desperately desiring to see God’s “glorious impossible” working in my life.

See the Virgin is delivered
In a cold and crowded stall
Mirror of the Father’s glory
Lies beside her in the straw
He is mercy’s incarnation
Marvel at this miracle
For the Virgin gently holds the
Glorious impossible

Love has come to walk on water
Turn the water into wine
Touch the leper bless the children
Love both human and divine
Praise the wisdom of the Father
Who has spoken through His Son
Speaking still He calls us to the
Glorious impossible

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Glorious impossible

He was bruised for our transgressions
And He bears eternal scars
He was raised for our salvation
And His righteousness is ours
Praise, oh praise Him, praise the glory
Of this lavished grace so full
Lift your souls now and receive the
Glorious impossible

The Glorious Impossible
Carl Cartee, Joe Beck, and Wendy Wills
© 2005 Willow Branch Publishing / Yada Yada Yada Music / Schparkenmusik / Rick Cua Music / Mo Promise Music

Well, I sit here at my computer, about 25 minutes away from leaving to go to my newest rotation. I’m actually curious to see if I can cram my thoughts in that amount of time, seeing as I don’t know exactly what I want to write about, and my tendency for taking about 2 hours to write a single post. So we’ll see how far I get.

My title reflects the status of my life right now. When people ask me, “how’s life?” I rarely know how to respond. My natural tendency is to reply, “busy,” but that’s not exactly true. Yes, I am pretty busy given that at any given time I’m usually doing something, but at the same time I do have enough time to do most of the things I want to do, and even some of the things I don’t want to do but have to do. Have I lost you yet? Good.

Anyways, I don’t know why this came to my consciousness, but I’m realizing that I need to take a different approach to how I discuss my life with others. I have a tendency to vacillate between the extremes of busyness and complete idleness in my expression of how my life goes, when in reality my life lies somewhere in the middle – not too busy, not too boring. Oftentimes I use my “busyness” as an excuse to bow out of situations and responsibilities I don’t want to handle, or when I just want some alone time to take care of the small tasks I have to do, such as laundry and cleaning up my room. Other times when I’m feeling social, I’ll act like I have all the free time in the world to see if I can get time with people.

Both of these strategies are lies. While I must confess that I don’t mean to be deceitful, I am misrepresenting myself to others, which isn’t a good habit to have. The truth of the matter is, a lot of my life schedule is dependent on the rotation I’m doing as well as whatever responsibilities I have going on at the time. Some rotations are far more demanding than others (Surgery, OB/GYN vs. Geriatrics, Psychiatry), and therefore the precious little free time I do get is spent washing my clothes for the coming week or just finding ways to not go insane from all of the time spent in the hospital. And being somewhat introverted, I need that alone time to regather my thoughts and to do things that don’t demand me to give much of myself. I realize that sounds a bit selfish, but I also know that it’s important for me to take a few hours out of the week to do be by myself to veg and to do these small but important tasks in order for me to have the emotional and mental strength to give to others.

However, during my less time-demanding rotations, I find myself chained to my previous statements – because in those situations my friends are far busier than I am, so the onus is upon me to seek out times to spend with them. And also, because in previous rotations it may have been harder for me to find time to hang out, my friends through no fault of their own will have moved on and continued without me. So while it’s nice and awesome to get time with these friends again, I have to slowly come back into the circle after being on the fringe for so long.

This really goes against the priorities I’ve set in my life. My parents, who have been tremendously influential in my life, taught me that in life, God should be the top priority in my life, followed by my family/friends, then work, then church. However, if one were to examine my time, I bet it would often appear that work is at the top, with God and family/friends following that. And unfortunately there’s also a preconception of how busy medical students/doctors are, which sometimes works for me and sometimes works against me. But at the end of the day, I want to be able to lead a life that first and foremost honors and glorifies God, and then makes ample time for my friends and family, and then shows excellence in my work. While I realize that the responsibilities and demands of my chosen profession may be greater than others, I also never want to be one of those doctors who puts everything into his/her career and neglects his family and friends.

Any suggestions and advice on how to keep from being that kind of doctor? I’ve already considered quitting the medical field and becoming a hobo.

As many of you know, I’m in the process of deciding what I’m going to do with my life. Most of my friends have, will or are also going through this transition point. While my situation is a little bit more specific than maybe some of my peers face (what am I going to specialize in, where am I going to practice, how am I going to minister out of the context of my location and practice), I believe that ultimately we all face decisions like this – the kind of decisions that guide the course of our lives.

It sounded pretty intimidating when I first considered this. I am an analytical and perfectionistic person (which I suppose lends itself well to medicine), and when I’m told that whatever I decide may affect my long-term future, it makes me want to spin my tires in a futile effort to determine “God’s will for my life.” I imagine that I’m not alone in thinking this way. In the course of my still very young and inexperienced life, I have seen God lead me through these decisions and over the past year I’ve begun to jot down my framework for making decisions, whether they have to do with my career, my family, what projects I take on, what responsibilities I accept, etc.

Regardless of how you might believe about the manner in which God’s will unfolds in our lives, whether you believe that we cannot do anything that is outside of God’s will or that we have a measure of freedom in what we choose to do with our lives, or perhaps something inbetween, I think this framework gives a very practical way to begin the process of examining any situation. I don’t want to claim that this is the only way or that it is even a correct way to do consider a decision. I do believe that the principles that the questions raise are Biblical, and if I am in any way off-base with my thoughts, please let me know.

Romans 12:1-2 urges us ” in view of God’s mercy, to offer [our] bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is [our] spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then [we] will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – His good, pleasing and perfect will.” As we go through life working to bring our minds and bodies under the lordship of Jesus Christ, I believe that God’s will becomes more and more apparent to us. We gain the confidence in knowing that regardless of what we choose, God is the one determining the outcome (Proverbs 16:9). But hey, if you happen to be struggling with trying to figure out what to do, maybe this will help.

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1. Gather the facts
   Before making any major decision, it’s important to make sure you have all of the facts. I remember hearing a story about how Gene Warr, a very Godly man who was involved with the Navigators, would always ask first, “What are the facts?” whenever someone would ask him for advice about a decision. I have an extensive but not comprehensive list below of questions that might be good to answer in determining the facts.
   • Who does the decision involve?
     1. How will those people be affected by the decision?
   • Is there a Scriptural principle to follow?
   • What are the costs?
     1. Relationships
     2. Time
     3. Money
     4. Emotions
     5. Physical energy
     6. Other opportunities in the future
   • What are the benefits?
     1. What would I be learning?
     2. What would I be doing?
     3. Who else would be blessed as a result of the decision?
   • Which choice would enhance God’s reputation more?
   • Which choice would challenge my walk with God more?
   • What are my motives for each choice?
     1. Do I want to do it / does it help make me come alive?
     2. Is there a tremendous need there that I should fill?
     3. Do I feel pressured / guilted into one choice or another?
   • Does the choice fit with the mission I think God has given me?
   • Am I able to do it – have I been given the gifts, talents, abilities, experience, etc. to do this with skill and excellence?
   • Does the situation “make sense?”
     1. Is the timing right?
     2. Are the circumstances such that this would be a wise decision?
     3. Does the decision fit the direction of my life as I know it right now?
     4. Why is this decision offered in the first place?
   • Emotional considerations
     1. Do I have a “peace” about the decision?
     2. Am I excited / uneasy / angry / sad / confused?
     3. Do I have the emotional energy to deal with whatever happens?
     4. What is my heart’s desire?
2. Pray and consider the decision
   You really can’t go wrong with prayer. Since it’s God who “determines our steps” (Proverbs 16:9), talking with Him seems to be a pretty wise thing to do. Here are a few things that might be worth considering talking to God about during the process of making a decision:
   • Asking for godly wisdom to guide my choice
   • Asking for insight to see and understand every aspect of the decision
   • Asking for God’s blessing, that He would reward my faith
   • Asking for God to reveal the answer in His timing
   • Asking that God’s will would be done
   • Listening for His answer
     1. In silence
     2. In meditation upon His Word
     3. In fasting
   • Surrendering the decision/situation before the Throne and letting Him direct the outcome
3. Seek godly counsel
   There are tons of verses, especially in Proverbs, that discuss the wisdom of obtaining godly counsel. While any good counsel cannot substitute for the voice of God, these people who know you well and know your heart can help guide you to view the decision from a Biblical perspective. Here are just some categories of people who might be able to help offer that sort of advice, but it is up to you to find and get to know those sorts of people who can help sharpen you (Proverbs 27:17).
   • Mentors
   • Parents
   • Trustworthy friends
4. Decide what to do and take action
   I’m a naturally cautious guy, so it’s hard for me to get to the point where I make the decision and just go. But I’m finding that just as there is a time to consider and to make sure that I’m not making a rash or hasty decision, there is also a time to put aside my analytical hat and do something. There’s no point in taking this much time to think about something if the opportunity has passed because I’ve spent too much time thinking about it and not moving forward. This action can manifest in many ways, but here are a few practical characteristics of that action (for those who have gone through Men’s Fraternity, these might look familiar):
   • Act in confidence and faith
   • Accept responsibility for the consequences, good and/or bad
   • Reject passivity in waiting too long to take action
   • Lead courageously

Anyways, hopefully that helps some. I don’t actually do this every time I have to make a decision, but I’ve found that I do try to follow those principles to carefully consider what I do, so that I am walking in wisdom and growing closer to God.

This weekend I had this huge serious blog post I was going to write, but it got waylaid by the other things I wanted to do, like sleep and watch Spiderman 3 (which, by the way, wasn’t as bad as I expected it to be). Anyways, so in the interim, my good friend Ronnica put up another meme, and since I’m a free-thinking, independent guy, I decided I would follow suit and follow it, so that at least people know that I’m still alive.

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? My white coat. I used to keep pillows in the back, which harkened back to the days when I would study for 10-12 hours/day, so that whenever I wanted to take a nap…

2. When was the last time you threw up? Honestly, I can’t remember. Must have been in middle school. I must admit that there have been times during this past year when I wanted to throw up.

3. What’s your favorite curse word? Lint-licker. Scab-eater is also a good one.

4. Name 3 people who made you smile today? Well, I haven’t seen anyone this morning yet. I’m going to cheat and recall from yesterday as well: Beck, for working on Kels’ cell phone and then calling tech support and having to list off super long serial numbers (“Apple Gamma 2 4 7 Frank Charlie 9…”). Kels, for inviting me to go on a trip to Cuba with him. And Jenny, who listened to me talk about crazy people for like 15 minutes.

5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? Well, it’s 7.49 right now. I’m guessing that at 8 am I will still be working on this meme.

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Brushing my teeth.

7. What will you be doing 3 hours from now? Talking to crazy people.

8. Have you ever been to a strip club? Nope.

9. What is the last thing you said aloud? I honestly I don’t remember. I haven’t spoken aloud this morning yet, and I probably stopped speaking out loud sometime around 5 pm last night. I’m guessing it was “Whatever you want to do,” in reference to my roommate David wanting to know if he could eat some of my chicken.

10. What is the best ice cream flavor? Strawberry. It’s pretty much the best.

11. What was the last thing you had to drink? Dr. Pepper.

12. What are you wearing right now? Navy blue sweater and khakis. I don’t know if that actually works, but hey, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

13. What was the last thing you ate? Eggo waffles.

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? Nope. I was thinking about purchasing another OU College of Medicine fleece jacket, but it cost $50, and I don’t have that sort of money.

15. When was the last time you ran? Yesterday, when I was thinking I was late to work. It turns out that psychiatrists work really slow, so I was fine.

16. What’s the last sporting event you watched? The Super Bowl. Unless you count watching Die Hard as a sporting event.

17. What’s the last thing you attended that required a ticket? National Treasure 2, with my best friend Tom.

18. Who is the last person you emailed? Dave Edwards.

19. Ever go camping? Once, when I was at Project Impact: Home Edition and we had some “family bonding time.” It was fun.

20. Do you have a tan? I don’t think so. But my skin’s been really dry, which has made my skin look more tannish.

21. What do you prefer: Natural Sun or the Tanning Bed? Natural sun. There was this girl in high school who burned down her house because she accidentally left her tanning bed on.

22. What’s the best way to tan? Um…I don’t ever intentionally tan, so I will defer my answer to someone who does.

23. What’s your favorite drink? Actually, I like to drink all sorts of things. The best “special occasion” drink is Henry Weinhard – Root beer, vanilla cream, orange cream, and black cherry sodas. A more “common” favorite is Dr. Pepper. I also enjoy the Sprite/Sierra Mist sodas when caffeine isn’t preferred. Juices are tasty too. Oh, and you can’t go wrong with milk. Yeah, I like to drink.

24. Do you drink your soda from a straw? If I’m at a restaurant.

25. What did your last IM say? Goodnight.

26. Are you someone’s best friend? I think so. Tom and I are probably best friends, despite the thousands of miles between us now. He and I just seem to understand each other. I’m pretty tight with my roommate, Crumpy, and there are a handful of other guys who I’ve gotten to know through college whom I’d consider to be best friends. I don’t know what the perception is from the other side. I’m probably just that annoying kid who doesn’t ever show up because he’s always at school.

27. What are you doing tomorrow? Work, lunch conference, work, then I’m on call in the hospital until 11 pm. Woo.

28. Where is your mom right now? I think she’s at home. But I don’t know. Home is so far away.

29. Look to your left, what do you see? My bed.

30. What color is your watch? I don’t have a watch. I’ve been meaning to get one, but I don’t know what would work well for what I need, and I’m also a firm believer in not purchasing things I need when I could use the money to purchase things I want.

31. What do you think of when you think of Australia? I want to be there and not go to work.

32. Would you consider plastic surgery? Never. It would mean that I’d have to go through a 5-year general surgery residency program and then another 2 years of fellowship training.

33. What is your birthstone? Ruby. I like it.

34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Drive thru.

35.How many kids do you want? I don’t know. I’d like to have a large family. But quantifying the number of kids I’d want kinda sets me up for disappointment. And I’m guessing it’ll depend on what my wife wants too. Probably moreso than what I want. So I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

36. Do you have a dog? Nope, but my parents have one. She’s awesome. I also like playing with the Edwards’ dog.

37. Last person you talked to on the phone? Danny. He was wanting to know if I was still wanting to jam.

38. Have you met anyone famous? Jennifer Berry, Miss America 2006. We graduated in the same class from Jenks. I think we took a few classes together. She’s also only 5 days older than me.

39. Any plans today? Well, I need to leave for work here pretty soon. When I get done today, I need to do a little bit of reading, and then I should work on printing and mailing off tax receipts for CMDA (I was the treasurer last year).

40. How many states have you lived in? Two long term, four if summer residency counts. I was born in Kansas (not too far from where Ronnica was born, I think), and when I was six I moved to Oklahoma. I spent a summer in Illinois, and I spent a summer in Colorado.

41. Ever go to college? Yeah, I went to the University of Oklahoma for college, then I moved up to their Health Sciences Center for medical school (I still have about a year and a half left).

42. Where are you right now? Indoors. In my room.

43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? School. What I really want to do is hang out with my friends, finish writing my novel, and record a CD.

44. Last song listened to? “He Leadeth Me,” as sung by the incredibly amazing Sara Watkins.

45. Is that your favorite band/singer? Yes and no. Nickel Creek is probably my favorite band, and Sara’s the super talented fiddle player and vocalist, but the recording wasn’t of Nickel Creek. It was something she did with some other people.

46. Are you allergic to anything? Sometimes I think I’m allergic to air. More likely I’m allergic to mold, pollen, dust, pet dander, and the like.

47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? Nope. I only have a couple of pairs of shoes, which I wear for different purposes: My brown Sketchers for formal doctor stuff, black dress shoes for when I’m wearing my suit/tuxedo, tennis shoes for normal wear, old tennis shoes for when I have to scrub in for surgery, flip-flops for warm weather, and crocks.

48. Are you jealous of anyone? No, but I’m jealous of the moon, and there’s nothing I can do…I wish I could fly. (Lyrics to a Nickel Creek song)

50. Is anyone jealous of you? People have told me that they are jealous of me. But I don’t think they’re super serious, because they’re still my friends. I know that sounds incredibly vain, but those of you who know me know that I’m just speaking truth.

51. What time is it? 8.24 am. I need to head out for work.

52. Do any of your friends have children? Yeah, but they aren’t super close friends.

53. Do you eat healthy? Nope. I’m going to be a doctor and I know I’m hypocritical, but there’s only so much one can do to consider health when patients take up so much of your time.

54. What do you usually do during the day? Work and study.

55. Do you hate anyone right now? No.

56. Do you use the word ‘hello’ daily? I think so.

57. When? When I greet people.

58. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? 25. I’m a young’un.

59. Have you ever been to Six Flags? Yeah, a few times (the one in Arlington). It’s okay.

60. How did you get one of your scars? I ran into a door when I was 7. As you can tell, I showed a lot of intellectual potential from a very young age.

Ronnica tagged me with this very interesting meme, which is completely awesome because I woke up this morning taking my fine time to rouse enough to start studying (which I have yet to start). So here it is:

Pick up the nearest book of 123 pages or more. No cheating!
Find Page 123.
Find the first 5 sentences.
Post the next 3 sentences.
Tag 5 people.

As I glance around my room for the nearest book, I find the amazing Ted Dekker book, When Heaven Weeps, lying on my bed. So here are sentences 6-8 on page 123:

“Goodness.”

They sat in silence for a moment. “So, you feel this breath of God on your heart and still you argue with me about whether Helen needs our help?”

Man, this was pretty lame. No offense, Ronnica, but I’m just not as smart as you apparently. Okay, I admit that I cheated – my textbook was closer, but page 123 was just the title page to the next chapter, so it didn’t have any sentences on it. But apparently my alternative didn’t produce any worthy entertaining or educational material.

So I tag:

• Ryan
• Emily
• Sarah D.
• Sarah G.
• Katie