Here’s a little morsel of what I learned while I was in Peru.

Experiencing grace is nothing like just knowing about grace. As a high achiever (some would say an over-achiever), I beat myself up pretty badly whenever I mess up. It doesn’t really matter what it is – missing too many questions on a test, speaking harshly to someone or to a group of people, realizing that I’m a completely worthless jerk most of the time – I can get a sense of hopelessness, that there is no escape from my lowly state.

And it’s somewhat true. While I still live, I will never measure up to the high standards I have placed on myself. And if my standards are so high, God’s standards are infinitely higher. There is nothing I can do to attain the perfection I seek.

And that is where grace meets me. Grace comes from an outside source. It is freely given out of a heart of love and forgiveness. Grace says that someone else has paid the price for my failures. Grace means that perfection has been given to me through no merit of my own.

This is mind-blowing to me. All week long I saw so many ugly parts of my life surface – my selfishness, my greed, my pride and arrogance, my anger – and my heart despaired, because I knew that I was wholly unable to merit favor with God or men on my own. I have heard of grace for most of my life. My Chinese name means “abundant grace.” But truly experiencing grace for my own faults? I doubt I dwell on those feelings for very long.

I began last week’s trip with a fresh awareness of my own faults and the Mr. Hyde that lurks within my heart. As I became more keenly aware of how far I fall from my standards and God’s standards, my heart despaired, because I want to do good, I want to be a good person. But despite all of my efforts, I’m still condemned to be a horrible person. I still get angry at people. I still lie, cheat, and manipulate to get my way. I still feel like I’m better than others, even though I am not.

But I’m so thankful that it’s not the end of the story. “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast” (Ephesians 2:9-10). My failures have sentenced me for death. But Someone Else has paid the price for my failures. My justification has given me a new heart, one that seeks to do good and right things. Mr. Hyde will haunt my thoughts and actions from time to time, but the grace that has been extended to me by Jesus Christ frees me to do good. And, I hope, that this wonderful grace that has been given to me will motivate me to show grace and mercy to those around me.

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I’m a failure today
I think I have all the signs
I can’t believe I’m here again
Oh, why can’t I succeed?

So I turn to You and I pray
How could You love me anyway?
Nothing good comes from man
But You say, “Come and follow Me”

Oh, You take all my worries
You take my fears
You take all my failures
You, You set me free, I’m free
I’m free

Today’s a new day
Walking in Your loving grace
You bring promises
Removing my weighing chains

And I turn to You and I pray
How could You love me anyway?
Nothing good comes from man
But You say, “Come and follow Me”

Oh, You take all my worries
You take my fears
You take all my failures
You, You set me free, I’m free
I’m free

Oh, my Jesus, You set me free

Free
Kristen Davison
© 2005 Kristen Davison

Love, mercy, and grace would have no power without the stark light of righteous and just standards. Righteous and just standards would have no meaning without the hope of love, mercy and grace.

I have to be honest, the last few weeks have been tough. I never thought I would come to a point in medical school where I was actually tired of studying. And what makes things that much more frustrating, I’m not even really hating to study, nor am I un-excited about medical school, nor am I un-interested in the subject material. It’s just a weird sort of feeling where I’m just easily distracted from everything – whether it’s studying, playing games, reading books, or whatever.

Yet, despite the somewhat discouraging season this seems to be, I can’t help but wonder at how God has continued to show Himself faithful. Even when I am not, even when I would rather sleep in than spend some quiet time with Him, He still remains. Psalm 65:2 says, “When we were overwhelmed by sins, You forgave our transgressions.” How awesome a promise, that if Christ is in us and we are in Him, we can live free from the shackles of our past deeds – even the past deeds of 2 minutes ago!

So even though I’ve felt completely distracted and removed from those things about which I am most passionate, I can and will still hold fast to the Truth – that God remains constant and timeless, and His nature never changes. His love endures forever!

When the laughter fails to comfort,
When my heart aches, Lord are You there?
When confusion is all around me
And the darkness is my closest friend
Still I will praise You, Jesus, praise You

They all lived happily, happily, happily, ever after
The couple is happily leaving the chapel eternally tied
As the curtain descends there is nothing but loving and laughter
When the fairy tale ends the heroine’s always a bride

Ella the girl of the cinders
Did the wash and the walls and the winders
But she landed a prince who was brawny and blue eyed and blond
Still I honestly doubt that she could ever have done it without that
Crazy lady with the wand—Cinderella had outside help

I have no one but me
Fairy godmother, godmother, godmother where can you be?

(I haven’t got a fairy godmother. I haven’t got a godmother. I have a mother. A plain, ordinary woman.)

Snow White was so pretty they tell us
That the queen was insulted and jealous
When the mirror declared that Snow White was the fairest of all
She was dumped on the border
But was saved by some men who adored her
Oh I grant you they were small

(But there were 7 of them – practically a regiment!)

I’m alone in the night by myself not a dwarf not an elf not a goblin in sight

(That girl had 7 little men working day and night just for her. Oh sure the queen gave her a poisoned apple.. even so)

She lived happily happily happily ever after
A magical kiss counteracted the apple eventually
Though I know I’m not clever I’ll do what they tell me I hafta
I want some happily ever after to happen to me

Winnifred Pade of the mire
Has one simple human desire
Oh I ask for no more that two shoes on the floor next to mine
Oh someone to fly and to float with
To swim in the marsh and the moat with
As for this one well, he’d be fine
(But now it’s all up to me!)
And I’m burning to bring it about
If I don’t I’ll be stuck with goodbye and good luck and get out
(I don’t want to get out I want to get in!)

I wanna get into some happily happily ever after
I want to walk happily out of the chapel eternally tied
For I know I’ll never live happily ever after till after i’m a bride
And then I’ll be happily happy
Yes happily happy
And thoroughly satisfied

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There are several reasons why I like this song. The primary reason is because I was in the pit orchestra when my old high school performed this musical. Secondly, it’s got a really catchy rhythm. Finally, it’s an interesting perspective of that whole “must get married” bug that people who graduate college seem to catch. Obviously, getting married or obtaining anything or finding anyone other than Christ isn’t going to give us lasting happiness, but yet we still wander our lives searching for those other things nonetheless. Why is that?

Happily Ever After
Marshall Barer and Mary Rodgers
© 1948

I had the great honor and pleasure of meeting with one of my mentors last week. He is one of the top ophthalmologists (eye specialist) at one of the top programs of its kind in the nation. What amazes me the most about my meeting with him and his “team” of doctors was both his absolute commitment to living out his relationship with Jesus Christ, and his passion for the pursuit of excellence.

I was thinking about this idea of having “spiritual ambitions” and setting high goals and plans for our lives. Now, I’ve heard this many times, but I don’t think I’ve ever fully understood what this means.

When I think of what Scripture says should be our ambition, I find pretty much all of our “ambitions” should revolve around loving God and loving others (Matthew 22:37-40). Even practical passages reflect this idea – “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.” (1 Thessalonians 4:11-12)

None of these things really have anything to do with us seeing physical, tangible results. Sure, there will be some seen here and there, and we’ll receive some of the benefits of those results (respect, reciprocated love, etc.) – but the Bible makes it clear that the “spiritual ambitions” we should have are focused outside ourselves – notice the other-centeredness in both of the above passages. You’ll find that in pretty much every command of Scripture. Sure, we receive the benefits of obedience, but ultimately everything we let God do through us is for His glory or for the sake of others (which ultimately gives Him glory too, but we won’t delve into that).

So what does this have to do with pursuing excellence? Well, this idea of “spiritual ambition” versus “worldly ambition” definitely has scared many Christians (myself included) into settling for mediocrity, because we don’t want to face situations where we might be thrust into the spotlight, and we will be made much of, at the expense of God’s glory.

What I posit in this article is that laboring intensely and putting our best effort into things in order that we might become the “best” at what we do does not have to be directly linked to our pride. Rather, it is the intention by which we do what we do – Scripture commands us to work as “unto the Lord,” because doing the best we can honors God. Becoming the best neurosurgeon or the best teacher or the best lawyer or the best businessman is not incompatible with what God calls for our lives – but our motivation can conflict.

I’ve seen many a college student who places less priority on his/her schoolwork because he/she is “too involved in ministry.” As a result, a student who has the potential for making, say, a 3.5 GPA ends up settling for a 2.9. While this may be what is necessary for a short season, I believe that this sort of mindset actually dishonors God and presents a weakened testimony before non-Christians. This mindset also runs directly counter to Jesus’ analogy of being “faithful in little” to qualify for greater responsibilities.

So what I’m trying to say in my little rant is, no matter what you do – whether it’s a “dumb” math assignment or cleaning the bathroom or keeping your house hospitable for guests or writing out the alphabet 400 times, we need to do the very best we can. The best means the best we can given the time, resources, and energy we have to accomplish the task. We need to leave every task with the contentment of knowing that we could not have done any better – even if the result is graded as a “C” or a “D”. That’s where our spiritual ambitions ought to be – showing ourselves as Christians approved by God because we put all of ourselves into everything we do.

Speaking of which, I need to get back to studying for my finals – which definitely will need all of the time and energy I can put into them.