Well, 2 weeks later and Hallie’s still in the shop. I found out from the shop that one of the RAM chips fried, which is less serious than I feared. Unfortunately, there’s a bit of trouble getting the warranty stuff through the proper channels, which means that I may have to wait another 2 weeks before my computer gets fixed.

In other news, I had my first preceptor experience as a medical student yesterday. Aside from getting lost and being an hour late, I had a generally decent time. My preceptor is a family med physician, who also happens to be the father of two of my friends from OU. So while I probably wrecked my first impression, it was nice to be messing up with someone who kinda knows me rather than a complete stranger. The most exciting, and possibly scariest part of this preceptorship is that I am required to interview at least one patient. It’s sort of my first step to becoming a clinician. I’m excited to take that step (which will happen next week), but I’m also somewhat apprehensive. I’ve shadowed doctors since high school, and I’ve grown very accustomed to being the silent student, absorbing all of the complex jargon and pretending to know stuff. Starting next week, I will play an active role in treating these patients. In this role, patients will trust my inadequate knowledge to search out what ails them. Whether I actually know something or not, these patients believe that I possess expertise they don’t – when in fact I’m only 7 weeks of medical school removed from them. Sure, I’ve gained comprehension of some of the complex language of medicine, but I couldn’t diagnose a broken bone or a paper cut yet. This next week will be a test of my questioning skills and general understanding of the human body. With God’s help, I hope that I will be reaffirmed that this journey is where I need to be.

In Men’s Fraternity this morning, Ronnie explored the four-humor/personality analysis. While I’ve heard most of this stuff before (courtesy of the massive personality-test craze at the BSU in the last two years – thanks Holly!), it was cool to see how this all relates to the way men need to understand the woman in their life and, from that understanding, to relate to that woman better. From the discussion in my small group afterwards, I was surprised to discover how often opposite personality types (Sanguine vs. Melancholy, Choleric vs. Phlegmatic) often attract each other. It goes back to the concept that we complement each other as men and as women. The people we are most attracted to tend to reflect strengths where we have weaknesses, and weaknesses where we have strengths. While I am happily single right now, I can see this idea easily apply the people with whom I study. According to the test, I’m very (very) strongly melancholy/phlegmatic. I know that I have a tendency to get caught up on the details of learning, and don’t rest much until I can fit everything into nice, neat boxes. I’m irritated and intimidated by people who feel like they have a need to flaunt their knowledge, or don’t know how to share what they understand in a non-condescending manner. I’m pretty patient, and want to make sure that everyone studying with me understands what we’re studying (even if it means that we go way slower than my personal pace). And the list of strengths and weakness go on and on. What I’ve discovered in the past 7 1/2 weeks of medical school is that I study best with very phlegmatic individuals – people who might need a little bit more structure to their studying, and are generally pretty laid-back about the studying process. While I don’t have much (if any) choleric traits in my core personality, I think that phlegmatics are perfectly fine letting me set the pace for learning. At any rate, I don’t know if any of that is an indicator of what kind of wife I need (assuming God provides me with a wife). But analyzing personalities with study friends (yes, I study with girls) is useful too.

Whoa, this is long. I hope this satisfies everyone for the next couple of days. It’s time for me to get back on the study wagon and study until rush hour’s over!

When all around is fading
And nothing seems to last
When each day is filled with sorrow
Still I know with all my heart

He’s got the whole world in His hands
He’s got the whole world in His hands
I’ll fear no evil for You are with me
Strong to deliver, mighty to save
He’s got the whole world in His hands

When I walk through fire
I will not be burned
When the waves come crashing ‘round me
Still I know with all my heart

He’s got the whole world in His hands
He’s got the whole world in His hands
I’ll fear no evil for You are with me
Strong to deliver, mighty to save
He’s got the whole world in His hands

===================================================

Wow…what a song! I definitely don’t spend enough time realizing the power that our God possesses. Every time I hear and sing this song, I wonder, do I really know with all of my heart that God hold the whole world in His hands? That He is strong to deliver, and mighty to save? That I can be at complete peace, without concern for the future, because He works all things for good (Rom. 8:28)?

Right now, I see how much around me is fading. I am seeing the effects of medical school, of studying for tests, of thinking and memorizing for hours on end. I am seeing how withdrawn I have become, how selfish I am with my time, how callous I am to others’ needs.

None of this lasts. These tests will come and go. Yes, I need to learn this stuff well and remember everything so that I will be highly skilled. But what matters the most are what last forever. And people’s lives are infinitely more valuable than any fact I can learn about the omohyoid muscle or the posterior circumflex humeral artery.

But He is so good! He gives us what we need, even when we don’t deserve it. He’s so big.

Whole World In His Hands
Tim Hughes
© 2004 Thankyou Music (Admin. by EMI Christian Music Publishing)

Don’t laugh too hard, Mindy. My sweet laptop, Hallie, died yesterday. By die, I mean when I turned it on, the screen turned a ton of random colors it wasn’t supposed to turn and then it refused to boot up. I think it’s a motherboard problem. Perhaps Hallie’s just burned out of medical school too. Maybe she’s jealous of all the attention I’m giving to humans.

At any rate, this does mean that I won’t have consistent access to the internet in the next few days/weeks. Give me a holler on the cell (if you don’t know it, e-mail me for it, if you don’t know my e-mail address, call me for it)! Hopefully I’ll still be able to post some stuff every once in a while.

For many of us, it’s that time of the year when we say good-bye once again to our families, make the plane trip or car drive to Norman, and begin a new semester of higher education. Today (and continuing through the weekend), thousands of young men and women set foot on the University campus for the first time, breathing the air of the giants who came before, looking to make their own impressions upon the institutes of higher learning. For those of us who are no longer a part of such a noble enterprise, this just means that we have to leave 15 minutes earlier to make sure we’ll still be on time to where we want to go, even if we get stuck in traffic.

Ah yes, it’s move-in day in Oklahoma! The dorm parking lots are packed with cars double-parked and triple-parked. Parents are frantically trying to figure out what their students need to survive a year away from home-cooked meals and free laundry. Students move from tent to tent, signing away their lives and hundreds of dollars of money, just to pay for cable TV that they won’t ever watch, or for a parking spot they may or may not ever find.

In the midst of this chaos, the heroes for the day emerge, glistening with sweat, coming back for the 20th box that one girl managed to pack into her Volkswagon Bug. No, they’re not RAs – though many of them have lived in the dorms longer than the RAs have. No, they don’t accept tips. Yes, they’re the upperclassmen, the men and women who joyfully chose to remain in the dorms to be guiding influences to these 17-18 year-olds. These are the unsung warriors who battle on the front lines. They are no different from the average college upperclassman student, save for their commitment to the Cross and their willingness to make a difference in these residence halls. From Honors to Adams, from Athletic to Walker, these All-Stars will never see the fullness of their impact until they are called Home.

Ah, I miss those days in the dorms. I would not trade the three years I had in Honors 269, nor my sole year in Thulcandra (Walker 908e) for anything in the world. For the men and women who carry on the dorm legacy of the last 38 years, I salute you! Anna, Lauren, Christy, Hailey, Thad, Nathan, Jeremy, David, Paul, Matt, Andy, Mindy, Sophie, Daniel, David, Travis, and anyone else I left out (sorry!), you all are super great! I’m excited for what Dad’s going to do through you this year!

Well, let me explain the quotes around “Back.” It’s because I’ve been studying the anatomy of the human back for the last four days. Friday culminates with the vertebral column and spinal cord. Medical school is so much fun! Of course, it’s not for everyone. But I’m loving every moment of it, even the hours of studying I’m having to put in outside of class.

Still, it’s a bit lonely at times. For those of you in Norman, please keep inviting me to do stuff! I welcome study breaks – many study breaks. I know that the school year’s going to be busy for us all, but I’m going to fight to spend time with you all on the weekends, at the very least. Leave a comment on my blog, or call me up after 5 any day. Okay, I’m done whining.

So…anyone want to know about the latissimus dorsi muscles of your lower back?

I dread Project Impact.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m excited to see what God’s going to be doing, to learn more about who He is, and to grow as a man of God. However, I’m also pretty sure that this summer’s going to bring out a lot of ugliness that I already see in myself that will not be pleasant.

1. God’s been showing me so clearly that I don’t know very much. I feel completely inadequate to be leading a small group. I can’t say that I’ve learned more than any of the guys in my group – some of these men have been walking with God about as long as I have, and been more intentional about knowing Him than I ever had. What experiences (besides 2-3 years of college) could I share with them? What vision could I cast that they haven’t already heard? What passion could I awaken in them so that they will be excited about knowing God more after the summer? I don’t know if I can model the principles I preach any better than I did two or three years ago. I think that I will probably end up learning more this summer than my guys will.


2. I need to have spiritual authority to carry true respect this summer. However, even as I pray for God to fill me with His Spirit and grant me that authority, I shudder to think of how unprepared I am to “command” that authority. How am I supposed to serve the brothers and sisters around me in such a way as to win their respect and subsequently earn the right to share what little I have learned? Am I willing to make myself lower than everyone for the sake of the gospel, for the sake of unity? Do I have what it takes to earn the respect of my employers and coworkers so that I can be sharing the gospel with them and have it mean something to them? I know that I have been placed in positional authority, but halfway into the summer that position’s going to mean absolutely nothing to my small group. They may respect that positional authority for a season; maybe out of fear, maybe out of expectation, but as soon as they “get used” to me, or know how much they can slack off, that respect will no longer be enough to maintain any semblance of discipline. How often do we do that to God! We think that God’s cut us some slack, so we push the boundaries of purity and holiness just a little bit more. I need to learn more about how to completely submit my will to His and follow God’s guidance.


3. I intensely dislike taking charge. Let me tell you, I’ve slowly grown to learn how to lead. But, it’s much easier for me to suggest ideas and then let someone else make the final decision. I like to meet needs – spot the need, figure out what needs to be done about it, find the people who can do the job, do the job well, and get out. I don’t like to be in the spotlight, making glamorous decisions and being the strong and fearless leader. However, even now I’m seeing that I may need to be more intentional about doing that. It’s not just with my small group either – I may need to step out and encourage and motivate the leaders to continue fighting for unity and speak up when people are just trying to “accommodate” for the sake of “unity.” I dislike choleric traits with every fiber of my being, but I may have to take on some because people drag their feet and are unwilling to compromise. Maybe it’s a cultural thing too – there are just some people who are highly opinionated and cannot see or understand that the tasks God gives us are far bigger than our own desires or comfort. I need to learn how to concede the most; to give up myself the most; to joyfully yield all of my perceived rights for His sake, that we would all be united in heart and mind.


4. I cannot depend on any encouragement from others. I should not do that anyways, but I think this will become ever more apparent during the summer. This is a generation of ungrateful people. I am ungrateful too. And although I have a heart and passion for encouraging people and lifting up their burdens, I still have a long ways to go in terms of truly blessing others and reminding them of God’s faithfulness. So, I see a great need now for me to remind myself daily of who God is and what He’s working in me and through me. Relying on His Word to refresh me, reading through the truth that He’s spoken through my life, and hearing the things God’s taught me and shown me will be so vital, especially during the tough seasons when it will feel like I’m taking on the whole Project by myself. I’d like to be a constant source of encouragement to everyone during the summer, but if I am not drawing up on the Source of encouragement, I will end up being bummed out all the time. I also need to know to give myself alone time to relax and do something diverting. I could easily delude myself into believing that I don’t deserve time to myself. However, it’s one way to recharge my batteries and help keep me going.

There’s more, which I might post at a future time. However, it is almost 3:30, and I’m getting too old to pull all-nighters.