In the wake of all of these new “modern” translations of the Bible, I pose this question. What if the Bible was “paraphrased” with the Star Wars fan in mind? Perhaps there would be quotes like this (some of these ideas courtesy of Danny):

• Jesus’ reply to Peter’s confession of Christ (Matthew 16:13-20): “Great, kid. Don’t get cocky!”


• Jesus to Peter after Peter cuts off the servant’s ear (Mark 6:1-6): “I find your lack of faith disturbing.”


• About Zacchaeus the Tax Collector (Luke 19:1-10): “Aren’t you a little short for a tax collector?”


• When Jesus healed a blind man at Bethsaida (Mark 8:22-26): “I think my eyes are getting better. Instead of a big dark blur, I see a big light blur.”


• What Herod might have said to the Magi when they were looking for the baby Jesus (Matthew 2:1-12): “Looking? Found someone I would say, hmmm??? Hehehehehehehehe!!!”


• Jesus’ claim to be God (John 10:30, in context v. 22-42): “I am your Father.”


• A description of Christ (Colossians 1:17): “He surrounds us and penetrates us, and binds the universe together.”


• Paul talks about our new spiritual state in Christ (Romans 8:10, 1 Corinthians 6:19): “Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.”

And now for some hypothetical situations:

• Jacob’s reaction to hearing about Joseph in Egypt: “A ranking official in Egypt? Gee, I’m out of it for a while and everyone gets delusions of grandeur!”


• Satan to Jesus in the wilderness: “If you will not be turned, then you will be destroyed!”


• Possible exchange between Jonathan and David: “Together again.” “Wouldn’t miss it.” “How we doin’?” “Same as always.” “That bad, huh?”


• God to Elijah in the desert after the incident at Mt. Carmel: “You cannot hide forever.”


• The priests on Mt. Carmel: “We’re doomed.”


• Ackbar at Kidron: “It’s a trap!”


• When Paul preached to the Bereans, he might have said something like this - “Search the Scriptures; you know it to be true.”

Perusing the blogs of my friends at 4:00 in the morning has motivated me to post something other than lyrics to songs I know or write. But my average of 3.5 hours of sleep per night over the last month prevents me from thinking of anything deep enough to be worth anything. I find it amusing enough to marvel at the incredibly long sentences of incoherent thoughts that seem to pour out of my mouth like eggnog from a carton.

Here’s an interesting anecdote: Due to my insomnia, I have fought the devil of sleep in virtually every class period since mid-October. In recent days, the battle being waged has fallen on the side of sleep. Let me elucidate. So I wasn’t able to keep my eyes open at all during my Database Management class. Aside from the funny images of me fighting the demons off, I was also trying to write down what the professor wrote on the board. As I copied down one of the definitions, I lost the battle for consciousness and roughly 3.7 seconds later, my eyes bulged open. Upon reestablishing equilibrium, I glanced at what I was writing down in my notes. It said, “Trivial FDs [Functional Dependencies] are automatically satisfied by all relations that are defined on the morning flight to Dallas.” I immediately recalled a brief dream-flash in which I was travelling to Dallas for some reason. I guess the words just flew onto the page while I slept.

Of course, that’s not the only instance. Yesterday in my Software Engineering class, I was trying to work on my program in that class (due Thursday). My eyes lose focus, and as I regained composure I reread the comments I was making in the program. It said, “Searches for an ACL2 symbol in the tree. If a symbol exists in the tree, add the body count and go to the Kelsey’s house.” It appears that I am quite fond of travelling in my subconscious.

But enough talk about my dreams. I figure I just need to pull off another month of this stuff. As long as people don’t expect me to make sense when I talk, or drive heavy equipment or carry a car, I’ll be fine.