We got a “Biblical definition of manhood” in Men’s Fraternity this morning. I don’t know how much of it should be shared in an open forum such as a weblog, so I’ll try to keep my melancholy tendencies at bay. Looking at the contrast between Adam and Jesus has been challenging my perception of this whole “manhood” thing that men wish to become and women wish men would be. There seems to be a lot of talk about it on other blogs as well, and given the fact that Valentine’s Day was a scant two days ago, I’ve been brooding on this for a while (this morning anyways).

In a way, it’s funny to see how much godly women have been challenging men to step up to a higher standard. Reading about it and hearing it told in numerous forms has made me realize the fullness of expectation in these women who desire Christ wholeheartedly. I think that I’ve heard more about who a man “should be” from my sisters than I have from any man. I think I have resented that in my life. Not to say that these dear sisters of mine are wrong in any sense, but I’m disappointed that I had to hear these standards coming from them, rather than from the men who have influenced my life. I think that is a sad failure by men to set the standard of godly manhood. We, and especially I, as a male, often fall woefully short of the biblical mandate for manhood.

So what is a man? Well, upon investigation of Jesus’ life, we determined that an authentic man rejects passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously, and expects reward, God’s reward. An authentic man has a will to obey, a work to do, and a woman to love. It’s hard to believe that manhood, like any other aspect of life, can be encapsulated by a list of qualities. Still, these characteristics are a challenge for men to step up in every facet of life and embrace the challenge and thrill of the abundant life.

We discussed how it’s pretty natural for men to step up at work. They are effective leaders and managers, and do a tremendously superb job of teaching and mentoring younger men for a vocation. Even in spiritual discipleship men can be pretty strong leaders, taking the initiative to meet with younger and older men, developing a lifestyle of learning, and an openness to obeying God. However, when it comes to leading a family socially and spiritually, many (if not most) men defer to their wives to provide leadership. Where is the higher calling for men to be the head of the family, as Christ is the head of the man and of the church body? Where is the willingness to lay down our lives for our family, rather than to passively drain life from our wives and children? It’s a tremendous struggle for men to consistently take the initiative in all things – whether it’s in leadership or following, men need to be active, not passive. It’s a difficult struggle, a struggle that was brought about by sin’s curse. The curse of man was not leadership, but the tendency to shirk from complete leadership modeled by Christ. I’m challenged by this idea. It’s very easy for me to defer my choices to others – though I accept responsibility for my actions, I know I still have the tendency to foist my decisions to my friends and family.

Transparency is another area of manhood that grates against my nature. Sure, it’s easy to complain about how my life’s horrible or that I’m going through a rough time, but I’m not “man enough” to acknowledge my situation and profess my trust in Christ, expecting the great rewards that He has stored up for me and has made accessible to me. How we as men fail to bear each others burdens biblically, as we try to wow each other with our tales of pity. Our encouragement is rarely to trust God, but to trust our own methods and plans. Instead of sharing in the struggles of our friends, we offer them our solutions and expect them to turn off their emotions and “snap it together.” I’ve heard and read about so many stories of marriages where the man is afraid to share anything about his life with his wife, which causes her to fear that he is holding back his affections. Yet in the same way, we don’t need to behave as though we are helpless against the storm – we are in Christ; He is our refuge and strength.

Well, I feel like I’ve just let out a dangerous secret. I guess I’m writing all of this because of the challenge God has laid before me to be a man after His own heart. While it’s nice to know that being a true man is attractive to godly women, I’m not really interested in impressing them with any of this talk. I sincerely believe that Christ has set a mandate for men to be far more than we are now. John Eldredge touches on these themes and motifs in his various books. We must become men of passion and purpose, ones who have tender hearts and strong spirits, and the courage to live up to the role God created for us. So maybe this stuff will encourage us men to become greater than the “boys” that the world labels us and stand up for our manhood, even in the face of our friends and family trying to pull us back down. Let’s be noble and true!

I want to end this post with a song by Casting Crowns, which portrays the “common man” so well. I pray that I will never settle for something so small as the “American Dream.”

=====================================

American Dream
Lyrics by Mark Hall, Music by Casting Crowns

All work no play may have made Jack a dull boy
But all work no God has left Jack with a lost soul
But he’s moving on full steam
He’s chasing the American dream
And he’s gonna give his family the finer things

Not this time son I’ve no time to waste
Maybe tomorrow we’ll have time to play
And then he slips into his new BMW
And drives farther and farther and farther away

So He works all day and tries to sleep at night
He says things will get better;
Better in time

And he works and he builds with his own two hands
And he pours all he has in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are comin’ crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands
His kingdom stands

His American Dream is beginning to seem
More and more like a nightmare
With every passing day
“Daddy, can you come to my game?”
“Oh Baby, please don’t work late.”
Another wasted weekend
And they are slipping away

‘Cause he works all day and lies awake at night
He tells them things will get better
It’ll just take a little more time

And he works and he builds with his own two hands
And he pours all he has in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are comin’ crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands
His kingdom stands

He used to say, “Whoever dies with the most toys wins”
But if he loses his soul, what has he gained in the end
I’ll take a shack on the rock
Over a castle in the sand
Now he works all day and cries alone at night
It’s not getting any better
Looks like he’s running out of time
‘Cause he worked and he built with his own two hands
And he poured all he had in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are coming crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands
His kingdom stands

All they really wanted was You
All they really wanted was You
All they really wanted was You

American Dream
Mark Hall and Hector Cervantes
© 2003 Club Zoo Music / SWEC Music (Admin. by Club Zoo Music) / BMI