Well, it’s interview season in my last year of medical school. Kinda scary, but I’m doing it! I think of all the things I find difficult with planning these trips, the hardest would probably have to be justifying in my head that it’s okay to be throwing down hundreds and thousands of dollars to basically jump around the country in the next few weeks and months. At least I can say I’m doing my part to contribute to the dying economy, even if it’s all loan money that someone’s going to have to pay back.

I’m looking forward to seeing these programs, meeting new people, and hopefully even getting to enjoy some time away from school stuff. I have this really bad habit of finding what I study to be enjoyable, so instead of playing recreational sports or reading a book for fun or hanging out with friends or even working on the many novels I’ve started writing (but haven’t finished), I study for fun.

Yeah, I still take out my big thick Robbins Pathology book from 2nd year and learn about random stuff in there. I’ll pull out my lecture notes from 1st year and review anatomy, just for fun. I think though, it’s because I want to make sure that I truly understand the material – after all, once I graduate, it’s no longer just a wrong question on a test…it’s someone’s life.

Plus, I’m working on my medipedia project. It’s been lots of fun, and it keeps me thinking, not only about my own understanding, but if I understand the concepts well enough to teach and explain them in a manner that genuinely makes sense to other people.

All of this to say, this past month has just flown by. I’m interviewing all week, but this is the last week of a 4-week rotation, and it just seems like I started up the course yesterday. I hope the rest of my 4th year doesn’t fly by the same way…I hope to truly enjoy and make good use of the last vacation I’m going to have for a long while.

Jesus paid it all
All to Him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow

Well, here I am, a mere 20 minutes away from driving off to start yet another rotation. I doubt I’ll be able to fully describe what is going on in my head at this point, but since it’s been quite a while since I’ve posted anything of consequence, I decided I’d give it a shot.

So what all have I been up to? Well, lately my life has mostly been comprised of clinical rotations (which are work in the context of school), studying for major exams, being involved at church, and talking with people whenever I have free time. Oh yeah, and sending off applications for residency. It’s been a busy season, but I’ve had a good time with everything and while I’ve been challenged, I can’t say that life is terrible.

All of this makes me wonder why it is that deep down in my soul I feel like I am stuck in a world in which I don’t want to be. I feel as though my life has become defined by my activities, rather than by my relationship with God and the purpose He has for my life. I just had a 4-day weekend (I sure am going to miss Fall Break), but even with an extra two days of time away from school I am left feeling as though I need more rest.

I feel trapped. Trapped by other people’s expectations. Trapped by my standards, which are even higher than what other people may want of me. Trapped by what I think God wants. I’m swimming in the ocean of lies that tells me that I am defined by what I do, and because I can do so much, I should make good use of every talent that God has given me…and I should do it all right now. What I desire doesn’t matter. Everything happens according to God’s plan, so stop wanting things and just be obedient.

But God does not value me based on my performance. He doesn’t judge me according to what I specialize in, what things I do or don’t do in church, who I talk with, or how high my test scores are. What He ultimately desires is for me to know Him intimately. How it plays out in action flows directly from that relationship.

So now the challenge for me is to take the time to be still and know Him. Know that He is exalted above the nations. Understand and be joined in spirit with His heart’s desires. Drown in the grace that He offers the world. Breathe in the love He lavishes upon us. Remember that I am liberated in Jesus.

Here’s something OU coach Bobby Jack Wright quoted off a TCU chat forum regarding OU head coach Bob Stoops:

“I hate Bob Stoops because he knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, but he won’t tell anyone.”

Oh yes, Bob Stoops is that awesome…enough that he’s getting his own Chuck Norris-style jokes.